My Peaches and Cream

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The Jayna Story

Jayna is 12 days old today. And tomorrow is my actual due date. And I'm just now getting around to writing about my birth experience. Blogging is the kind of thing that is no longer a priority when you have a newborn...

I'd say that overall, my experience was...rough. I had a rough time. Nothing went as planned. I had to be induced which means lots of drugs. My pitocin IV began at 8:20 am. I did okay with no pain medication until I was about 5-6 cm dilated. And then I was in pain...an indescribable pain. And I asked for the epidural. I received the epidural at around 4:30pm. By 7:30 pm I was in double the pain that I was in at 5-6 cm...and I was only 6 cm. dilated by then. I was redosed and the pain disappeared for an hour or so. After an hour, the epidural began to not work again and I thought death was near. I was in so much pain. The RNA came back, but I was already 9cm dilated by that time and he couldn't give me anymore epidural medication. He did give me a strong dose of something else through my epidural pump that was supposed to numb me from mid-abdomen down. It did so until about 9:00 pm...half way through my pushing. After one strenuous push, I realized that I could move my toes and that I could feel my feet. And my thought was, "Uh-oh...that ain't good." From then on out I felt EVERYTHING. I felt it when Jayna's head got stuck under my pubic bone. I felt her head just staying there...half way out.

Why did her head get stuck? Well, her umbilical cord was draped over her shoulder and she wouldn't come out!! I remember beginning to cry at the very end and saying repeatedly to Chris, "I can't do this. I'm so tired and it hurts sooo bad. I just can't do it..." After 2 uses of a vacuum, a few good strong pushes, and my doctor yelling at me that yes, I could give birth to this baby because I didn't have a choice, Jayna Madison was born...at 9:53 pm. She weighed 8 lb. 7 oz. and was 20 inches long.

So, 12 days later...would I do it again? Um...ask me in a year. But probably not. I love that little girl like nothing else in the world, but I can't imagine going through that again. Not at this point.

So, it was rough to say the least. But I got such an amazing gift at the end...

Approximately 10 minutes old

An emotional moment between Mom and Jayna

Dad and Jayna bonding

Feeling a little better...

Dad and Jayna ready to go home

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who supported us throughout the pregnancy and who came to see us at the hospital and at home afterward. Thank you to my doula, Terry. You were an outstanding support person. Thank you Nana and Nanna M for everything. Thank you Doc for being great. And...last but not least, thank you Chris. I wouldn't have made it through labor without you. You are such an amazing person...and a great daddy. I love you.

Farewell Forty Weex followers. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I did writing...

Stay tuned for new and exciting things...

The Final Frontier

So, this is the last blog entry I'll write before I have a living, breathing baby. In one respect, I feel as if I've been pregnant forever...but on the other hand, where did the time go? I was thinking yesterday that in just a few weeks/months, I'll be wearing my regular clothes again...and I can't remember what any of them look like! Now that I'm at the very end, I feel immensely unprepared, like I haven't had any time to prepare. I know that 38 weex is a long time, but I don't know what I've done with that time.

I went to the doc yesterday and there hasn't been a change. I'm still about 3cm. dilated, 75% effaced and Jayna is still at -1. My blood pressure was okay and my swelling has gone down a great deal. But my placenta is on it's last leg. Jayna needs to be born. And I'm ready for her to be here! If something doesn't go down tonight, I'll go in for my induction at 7:30 in the morning.

Here are some of my thoughts on my last day of pregnancy:

* I LOVE to have a plan, even if I don't necessarily use it. I like to know what time things are happening. I don't do well with, "We'll be there around 7." That's not good enough for me most of the time. I want to know if "around 7" means 6:45 or 7:15. I need to know what I'm doing...I just like to be prepared. Remember: Proper planning prevents piss-poor performance. BUT...I think I wanted the birth of my child to be completely unplanned. I didn't want to know when she was going to be born. I didn't want to schedule her arrival. I wanted her to be able to do it on her own. And now I don't get that chance. I can't help but feel somehow responsible.

* I feel like I've done everything wrong. I'm having a very difficult time accepting the fact that I am not in control of things. I've been told by doctors that there is nothing I could have done about my blood pressure...and there is nothing I could have done about the placenta. I just can't accept that. It's my body and I should be in tune with it. I feel like I've been fighting with myself NON-STOP for weeks now. And it's no fun.

* There aren't words to describe the excitement. I've pretty much blocked out all of my thoughts about the pain because I just want her here. I. Just. Want. Her. Here. Period. End of story. I feel like I've gotten to know her very well over the past few months and I'm ready to meet her.

* At this point (I said AT THIS POINT), I can't for the life of me determine why women do this to themselves more than once. Pregnancy is such a roller coaster of emotions and the difficulty of everyday tasks is, at the least, daunting. Don't get me wrong...I've enjoyed my pregnancy for the most part, but it's hard work! Is it supposed to be easy? Nope. But I think that any woman who says pregnancy turned out to be exactly what she thought it would be is a damn liar! I've felt things, both emotionally and physically, that I still can't explain...hell, that I'll never be able to explain. It's been a crazy experience and there are definitely things I won't miss. I will, however, miss the fact that right now I am able to keep her safe and warm and soon she'll have to face the world.

* I've learned throughout this pregnancy that if I've ever had any doubts about what a good husband I have that I should let those doubts die. He has gone above and beyond the call of duty while I've been pregnant (actually he does that all the time even when I'm not pregnant, but I've especially appreciated it during the pregnancy). He has cooked countless dinners and cleaned our entire house for weeks on end so that I didn't have to do it. He makes sure I get what I need and want no matter how trivial. And even when I haven't been so nice, he has still stuck around and helped me through all of the emotional ups and downs. I truly don't know what I'd do without him. I can't imagine my life if he weren't in it. He is truly "my soul's recognition of itself in another" (name that movie!). I must have really done something good in the eyes of Karma to deserve him. I love you, Chris. Our lives are about to change like we could've never imagined. Put on your game face. :)

Jayna's World

Jayna's room is finished...sans tree. I just can't seem to get that damn thing painted!! But I'm working on it a little at a time and she'll have a tree soon enough...but probably not until after she gets here.

Chris has worked his ass off to give his favorite little girl a place she'll love. I can't take credit for hardly any of the work...except all of the choosing. I chose the furniture, bedding, curtains, rug, etc. with minimal help from anyone. I definitely had a vision when I chose things. So, here it is in all it's glory...(remember, some of these pictures may seem silly to you...but I'm a hardcore scrapbooker...)

The view from the door

Crib & Glider

Inside crib (of course I'll take that stuff out when she's in there!)

Dresser, shelves, swing

Cute little clothes that probably won't fit my chubby baby...

Ultrasound photo book and Jayna's first book (it's a wonderful book!)

Cute little birds and bugs on Jayna's swing

Desk my Grandpa made repurposed as a changing table

Things for changing in basket on changing table

"Daughters are a gift from the heart." How sweet!

Attention readers:

36 & 37 weex pictures have been added below.

37 Weex

Oh, geez. I still have 36 weex pictures to upload and some miscellaneous pictures of different and odd things. But there are things that first need to be said about my 37 weex doctor appointment.

My appointment was last Thursday. I went in for an appointment and an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed many good things and a few alarming things. The good things include a good amount of amniotic fluid, Jayna having all of her organs, she is definitely a girl, she is in a good position to be born and she's all-around healthy. The alarming things included the fact that my placenta is beginning to calcify from being used by Jayna, her head cirumference is 9.5 centimeters, she already weighs between 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 8 lbs. 4 oz., and the fact that she and my placenta say that I am 38 weex 5 days pregnant instead of 37 weex, 1 day pregnant. A couple of those are only alarming to me because, well, I have to push her out of there. To the doctor, they just mean she is healthy.

So, where do we go from here?? My blood pressure was still high. The swelling has decided to stick around. And my placenta isn't diffusing nutrients to Jayna as well as it should, and, according to ultrasound, I'm 38 weex 5 days pregnant. Can you, gentle readers, put the pieces together?

My induction is scheduled for Thursday, August 21 at 7:30am. I was given one week to try and induce myself...although she didn't technically say that. I was tested for preeclampsia Thursday through Saturday. That's a fun time. Collecting your pee for 24 hours when you're pregnant is certainly a chore. The doctor also stripped my membranes in the office at the appointment. And holy hell, was that ever uncomfortable.

And where does all of this induction talk leave me in regards to natural labor? Pretty much SOL. My appointment was last Thursday. I met with the doula that I already paid for that evening and she emailed me various ways to try and induce including sex and accupressure points. I've also tried eating spicy foods, hiking (yes, HIKING, not just walking), bouncing on the ball, relaxation techniques...this baby is just a procrastinator. I guess that comes from me. :)

If I do have to be induced, the doc said she'd try and start me out on a low enough dose of pitocin to see if I could handle it and it may help labor start. Since my blood pressure is high and pitocin raises blood pressure, I will have to have an epidural if my blood pressure dose rise. All of the work I've done learning about natural labor and hiring a doula, etc. is for nothing if I have to be induced.

Am I upset? A little. I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm not crying about it. I want Jayna to be healthy and I want to be okay, so I'll do what my doctor says. She has been wonderful throughout all of this and she really is trying to work with me so that I can atleast do a little of what I wanted to. She is the professional, not me.

I have an appointment tomorrow to check my blood pressure and such. If things go badly, I may have to be induced then. If they go smoothly, maybe she'll let me go for a couple of days to see if I'll go into labor on my own. Only time will tell. One thing is for sure...only 4 more days (or less) until little Jayna is here!!

And here are funny pictures with a story:

37 weex with a hat

37 weex...and again with the hat

When you're tested for preeclampsia, one thing you have to do is collect all of your urine for a full 24 hours. To make things easier, the doctor gives you this "hat" to pee in that goes under the toilet seat. You pee into the hat and then pour the urine into a jug they give you. Well, it really does look like a hat!! So, BEFORE I used it, I couldn't resist wearing it like a hat and having Chris take a picture. Fun stuff!!

36 Weex

Well, there are no 35 weex pictures. I didn't feel like dealing with it. BUT...there are 36 weex pictures.

Well, 36 weex has proven to be even more difficult than previous weex. I'm sure it's mainly because I only have 4 weex left until my due date, I'm giant and I'm uncomfortable because I'm giant. It's ninth month misery, I tell you. Overall, I realize that things could be so much worse, but I know deep down that I could make them a little better if I just changed my attitude. I'm trying to work on that.

Last Thursday I had my 36 weex doctor visit. Good news and bad news. Bad news first...my blood pressure was WAY up! I was told to lie down in the office for awhile and have it checked again. After lying down it dropped dramatically, but the doctor was still alarmed. The swelling in my feet and legs has only gotten worse...that is until the weekend. The doctor put me on restricted work...I can only work 5 hours a day now. most of the rest of my time is supposed to be spent resting with my legs elevated. I've also begun sleeping all night every night with my feet elevated. It's a little of a hassle, but anything to keep me healthy!

I had a particularly difficult day last Thursday. I'm not positive why, but I'm sure it began with me not sleeping well on Wednesday night. It was hot that day and I was miserable. I also knew that I had to have an exam at the doctor which put me on edge a little. Anyway, I'm sure that my blood pressure reflected some of that. I learned from the exam that I am 2 cm. dilated and 50% effaced. Yahoo!! She's closer to being here!!

This Thursday, I have an ultrasound and appointment. We will learn her weight, her exact position and we will learn about my amniotic fluid...if it's sufficient and such. And I can choose to be checked again. I think I will. I'll want to know if I'm dilating more or not.

How's Jayna? She's happy as a clam. How happy is a clam? I hear they're pretty damn happy. She moves around like crazy and likes it when I rub her legs. I think she's ready to meet the world. And I'm ready for her to be here!! Her room is finished, sans tree. I don't think she'll have a tree until after she's born sometime. And I've come to terms with that. It's okay. She has a bed and some diapers and some clothes. At this point that's all that matters in my head.

I packed my hospital bag. I didn't pack much but it's probably still too much. I took things like make-up and hair products. I probably won't even feel like dealing with that stuff, but it's still going with me. Too much is better than not enough, I suppose.

I'm getting irritated with my doula. We've been playing phone tag. And here I am...ready to have a baby anytime and she still hasn't contacted me for a prenatal interview that was supposed to happen around 36 weex. Hello?!? It's time!!

I am really trying to work on my attitude. Chris made a comment to me last Thursday night that I'd had a bad attitude for most of the day. And I said, "It's just one day! I'm allowed to have bad days!" And he replied, "But today could've been the day that you went into labor. Do you want your attitude to ruin that?" That really made me think about things. Although I didn't like being told that my attitude was bad, I realized that I usually don't have good things to say about...well, anything these days. I'm trying. It's getting better...

And here are the pictures:

Moe trying to get in on the picture action

36 LARGE weex

The 36 weex stretchmarked Buddha Belly

And 36 weex pretending to not be uncomfortable...